Critique: Tips On How to Make a Good Paragraph Great

And some very spooky footage

Here is a draft of the close of Lincoln’s Inaugural address by his soon to be Secretary of State, and his own revision. Notice how Lincoln re-writes the paragraph to transforms the it from good to great.

Key points:

• Personalized writing, “I am loathe to close,” helps establish yourself as an ally of the reader/listener

• People tend to remember endings, so write them carefully

• Take care not to end a sentence on a word like “broken,” or that’s what they’ll remember

• Appealing to “the better angels of our nature” is the perfect ending — uplifting encouragement

Last paragraph of Seward’s draft of Lincoln’s inauguration speech, 1st draft:

I close. We are not, we must not be, aliens or enemies, but fellow-countrymen and brethren. Although passion has strained our bonds of affection too hardly, they must not, I am sure they will not, be broken. The mystic chords which, proceeding from so many battlefields and so many patriot graves, pass through all the hearts and all hearths in this broad continent of ours, will yet again harmonize in their ancient music when breathed upon by the guardian angel of the nation.

Last paragraph of Lincoln’s edited closing, final version:

I am loath to close. We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battle-field and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.

See the full text of 1st Inaugural address here: https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Abraham_Lincoln%27s_First_Inaugural_Address

At political conventions, Lincoln’s down home accent was the source of ridicule, even if it was the way most people in the country spoke. Instead of saying “chairman,” he pronounced it “cheerman.”

Without Mary Todd Lincoln, I wonder whether Lincoln would have become president. When he was struggling, she alone saw potential in him and helped him fulfill it. His clothes were ill fitting until the vivacious, extremely well-educated daughter of a wealthy banker helped him.

Most people don’t know she is also the uncredited “founding mother” of government pensions. They called her crazy for asking for a pension to sustain her after her husband was killed, but once Congress voted yes, quite a few more groups were emboldened to request pensions as well. I daresay, the pension given to ALL veterans of the Civil War (North & South) did more to keep the peace than any peace agreement — for 100 years the South hated the North until L.B. Johnson finally brought the South into the prosperous US economy.

Lincoln soon proved himself to be a great thinker and writer. Once people listened to what he was saying, rather than how he said it, he was embraced as the leader of the new Republican party.

Why Bother?

In sharp contrast, a recent US president actually read his inaugural speech for the first time live on television as he was being inaugurated! The tone of the speech (determination amidst suffering and hardship) was all wrong for that very exciting moment in history. To my knowledge, caring so little about the duties of the office was a first, and I suppose it is proof of being a puppet. During his administration his staff regularly wondered aloud who ran the country — not him, he was always busy socializing.

William Henry Seward, Secretary of State under Lincoln & Johnson

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Happy Halloween!

Obviously, the framing of this video is fantastical. But check out the real news footage and listen to what they are saying. Winners of the freak show start at 2:10. (Did they just admit on camera in advance that they killed Michael Jackson? And not Jenna Bush’s sincerity at 6:30.